I want to thank Christina for taking the time and sharing the following information. Remember, we are all here to have fun, play a good game of poker, meet new friends and enjoy life. Sometimes all of us need to be reminded of the simple things. Anyway, enjoy Texas Hold'em Rules according to Christina.
I'm sure many of you have heard of Robert Fulghum's book "All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.” A truly inspirational author, one I was fortunate enough to hear speak at my college graduation. Recently, as I often do late at night before bed , I was replaying all the irksome things that had happened at poker that night, and some of Pastor Fulghum’s advice popped into mind. I thought I’d helpfully (plagiarize) re-work some of them for my poker friends. I’m calling this “Everything I Ever Needed to Know about Poker Etiquette I Learned as a Pre-school Teacher.” (Warning: to paraphrase a recent poker “colleague” of mine, “If you haven’t learned to hate me yet, you will by the time you finish reading this.”)
1) Pay attention. Whether you’re the teacher (dealer) or student (others), this is one of the biggies. If you’re the dealer, paying attention can help you avoid asking “Is the pot right?” or committing the cardinal sin of misdealing. If you are involved in the hand, it will help you avoid calling the big blind when someone before you has raised the bet.
2) Keep your hands to yourself. Wow, this is a fun one. So many meanings, so little time…To start with, let the dealer handle all the chips and cards unless s/he asks for your help. This will help keep current betting action from being confused with the existing pot (see #3 - Don‘t throw things), or keep cards from flipping cuz you stuck your big-old silly hands in the mix, just to helpfully distribute the cards. Play Follow the Leader - just remember, the dealer is Leader. Also: literally - keep your poker hands to yourselves. Unless you’re going to announce to the table what you held after the action’s done, you will get little irritated glances thrown your way (or worse) by lotsa people, not just yours truly, when you show your friend next to you what you have (see #4 - Use your inside voice). Plus: keep your hands (things with fingers) to yourself by keeping your (poker) hands in clear sight ON THE TABLE. This way, you are less likely to be inadvertently skipped in the action. Don’t place items which are larger than the cards as a cardholder, or keep them under the table, or cup your aforementioned big-old honkin’ hands around them (see #6 - Keep track of your belongings).
3) Don’t throw things. Please please please do not splash the pot; anyone can rightly claim they do not know what amount you bet if you do this. Be prepared to lose your original bet/call in tournament play if you can’t master this one - someone will insist that you post again, and then loud arguing starts (yuck, see #4 - Use your inside voice).
4) Use your inside voice. Like number 2, this has lots of applications. If you MUST talk about your folded hand, or someone’s strategy, or what a donkey the big blind is, try to do so quietly, to the person next to you, not to your BFF Joan across the room or whatever. Also: if someone is irritating you or if someone needs to be called to task for something don’t get your Irish up like I do and start talking louder and louder until the other person is ready to hit you.
5) Use your big boy/girl voice. Actions do not speak louder than words in poker. Verbal action is binding, so be sure to declare what you’re betting before you bet it. If you just throw in a big chip, expecting that everyone knows it’s a raise, confusion will follow even for some of those people who are following rule number one, Pay attention . Also: the first words that come out of your mouth are binding. If you say raise, you must at least double whatever the most recent bet was so Pay attention. If you say “I call, and raise you 400” you will be disappointed to find out that all you are allowed to do for that turn is call the last bet made, cuz that was the first thing outta your mouth. If you want to raise, say “I raise,” then state the amount.
6) Keep track of your belongings. While hiding your cards is not good poker etiquette (see #2 - Keep your hands to yourself), a cardholder of a slightly larger than chip-sized variety is a good investment. If your cards are mucked, you have a dead hand, regardless of whether you yourself mucked them or even if someone else did, even by accident. That sucks when you’re all in.
7) Don’t hide your light under a bushel. Keep your chips in sight at all times so everyone can know what your potential all-in bet will be. This is especially helpful in the later stages of the game when the blinds are high and small stack says “Oh, what the hell, I just wanna go home/get a beer/watch the game/insert your own lame-ass excuse here”. You know what I’m sayin’. Also: You MUST show BOTH cards to take down the pot if you have been called by another player. Wow, this one drives me crazy. We don’t care that you raised 4 times the big blind before the flop with 10-4 off-suit cuz your brother’s a patrolman and this is your favorite hand. We promise not to laugh…a lot. Plus: if you are in a showdown with an all-in player and the river card has not yet been dealt, whether you are the aggressor or not, you MUST flip over your hand. If I’m dealing, I won’t deal until you do, Mr. I Love to Play the Dolly Parton or whoever.
8) Button, button, who’s got the button? If it is your turn to deal, please be at the table. Don’t be getting a beer or smoking a butt or chatting up your BFF Joan in the Sheraton Hotel‘s Room 212. A corollary to this is to be mindful of where the button is located, so that if you are answering a call of nature you are sure your hands are dry before you sit down to deal.
9) Red Rover, Red Rover, send all-in over. OK, this is just a suggestion, not literal etiquette, but damn does it make me wanna scream. TRY NOT TO BET INTO THE DRY SIDE POT unless you have the nuts or near-nuts. Here’s why: your objective in a tournament is to stop the all-in that has been sent over to your wall of linked hands, not to bulk yourself up so that no one wants to try to crash through you - you might miss, and then the all-in crashes through, and everybody gets mad at you. Follow the analogy? If all you’re trying to do is gain extra chips by bluffing with a weak hand that probably can’t even beat the all-in hand (cuz after all, they went all-in) but drives out another hand which might have beaten it, then you collect little or no money from your side pot, the all-in triples up, and it’s far more difficult for the remaining players (you included) to gain the coveted points you need by finishing at the final table. Obvious exception: if the side pot is substantial, or you’re playing the idiot you love to play because you know she’s fishing and hasn’t made her hand yet (and you sorta have) but she’ll call your huge bet and you’ll get an enormous payoff - well then, by all means, bet away. Go crazy.
10) Practice your ABC’s. It amazes me how many truly gifted poker players can’t master the basics of poker lingo. A raise only occurs AFTER a bet from the SAME ROUND. If you are the first person to bet in a given round, it is a bet. You do not open the action by saying “raise” - the obvious exception being if you are acting after the blinds prior to the flop. Because the blinds are actually (forced) bets, it is ok to say “raise” if you want to raise the big blind. Similarly, if you are the big blind and no one has raised you, you are checking your bet, not calling. So if the flop has already come and you are the first to act you are making a “bet” and not a “raise”. Get it? Let’s say the small blind folds and you are the big blind. Before the flop you “check” your big blind, for example, but after the flop you are first to act and want to make a “bet” - you are not making a “raise” because no bets have occurred before you for this round. Practice practice practice.
11) Don’t get sent to the principal’s office. Obey the house rules. Don’t piss off the Tournament Director, ‘k? Just cuz you play at Henry’s house and Henry wrote the book on poker and finished 123rd out of a field of 8000 in the last WSOP, we don’t care. Which leads to:
12) Play nice. It’s free poker. It’s a game. Please.
13) Don’t cheat. See Play nice.
14) Wait your turn. You’ll lose your chips soon enough. No need to jump the gun and skip someone and go all-in so that person (who may have bet and given you more chips) can now fold.
Finally (whew!)
15) Be patient. See Wait your turn. Too many of us, myself included, are too hyper about someone who needs to think about their action, or who might be a slow dealer. Take a deep breath, order another cocktail, recite the Serenity Prayer, whatever. This is supposed to be fun (dammit).
So there’s Miss Christina’s list, with all due respect to Pastor Fulghum. I’m sure I could think of more, but I think this is plenty for now. Let me know what you think - and above all, call me on my shiznit if I violate one of my own rules. Peace out, yinz.